a day of a dreamer

my mom used to say i keep my head up in the clouds, always dreaming but never acting on them much. while it is a skillful method of escapism, i do agree with her that it can be an unhealthy addiction once i get too far astray. you see, i even fall into deep sleep willingly real quick, an ability which eventually became the envy of those around me who want to escape this dreadful life can’t fall asleep fast enough.

what gives me the true gratification from this, is when one of the dreams do unexpectedly come true, and i’m like “what the fck just happened??? is this real life??? am i alive???”. dreaming is distinctively different from expectations, i feel, that’s why it’s called dreams, something so unreal that you don’t think it’ll ever happen to you until it does, which is where the well-used phrase comes in, “…;a dream come true”. it almost shares the same meaning as the word ‘miraculous’.

to be honest, i haven’t really have had much fair share of experience in such, but only once (at least, from what i can remember right now), that once which took my breath away, and will satisfy me for a lifetime, and that miraculous moment is when a best friend of mine became more than a best friend when i least expected to, the person to love me dearly like no one ever did, show me how true love feels/looks/smells/sound like, and the most important of all, someone i can trust the most in this world dominated by untrustworthy people and keep to myself the whole of my lifetime.

haha, typing that down sure made me smile creepily to myself, but then i’ve always been an oddity. i know i’ve been exploiting my bragging rights recently these days (just that one thing/person though) and i will tone it down a lil’ but i guess sometimes i can’t help it, it makes me happy writing my feelings down into tangible words, harhar. these happy viruses does not come by very often.

that first time i held onto that person’s hand, my hand felt like it became a bunch of firework sticks igniting all at once and our fists are consumed with glowing ball of wildfire, and felt like as if people were staring at us being so amazed by this small act of love. i never thought that this could feel so good and addictive, to be honest, to touch someone else’s skin in an intimate way. especially when he trails his finger down my palms, lock his fingers between mine and twirl them in his hands, i get the shivers from the tip of my fingers to every inch of my body. i may seem to be exaggerating this, but trust me, when you do it for the first time with the one you love? even holding hands seems like you’re fully making out in public.

wait a mo, this doesn’t link back to the main topic. oh well, it’s not like i don’t digress almost every time i write a blog post haha, and i hope you don’t mind. i can never keep my thoughts in one track; it’s like forcing thousand drunkards in the head to walk in a straight line but obviously fails to do so. am i the only raw, unseasoned writer who has this problem?

i have a lot of dreams to pursue but i guess timing determines the start of everything and i have to make do with what i can do now. a person who fails to plan and prioritize never bears fruitful results and i have to wise up as the time edges on towards adulthood, but i never want to lose my childlike mindedness and the precious beliefs i’ve held onto since young.

maybe that can be my another dream; to disallow adulthood from infiltrating that innocuous and dreaming ungrown child in me.

talk about loyalty

riiight…. so my blog posts have been getting rather cryptic and mundanely succinct lately, and not to forget, super erratic. i felt compelled to type this down right now because of my mental guilt-shaming for not being loyal and attentive to my main blog.

i know one of my top prioritized resolutions was to write more this year, because i do want to be recognized as a good writer and practice makes perfect in all sense, just like how you find your colors via experience and time. fortunately, i did not let that slide easily as i’ve been posting lots of mini blog posts on the captions of my Instagram photos ( https://instagram.com/thetwilightowl/ ) as often as a photo per two days and so. the thing is, i kinda wished to have my main blog be more prominent among my other social media platforms but obviously that small part is failing a lil’. the truth is that a lot of random stuff i write are streamed from thoughts triggered by my photos i take everywhere i go. i do enjoy taking random photos of almost anything actually, and killing a bit of time doing short photo edits on #vscocam. it’s very therapeutic and because it takes up some time, my mind kinda relaxes and that’s when ‘random’ thoughts just pop up in my head. thus, explaining my reasons for the ‘mini instagram blog posts’.

ah well, life is perpetually fast-paced and how can i ever think of genuine stuff to write about, if i can’t let myself and my scatterbrained head have space to breath and think?

(but i promise to come back with a good one for sure, i do have good contents lined up for the few weeks to come! so do stay with me alright? hehe)

what my 2014 self wants to tell me

Just been putting on jazzy christmas tunes and riding the feels as I hole away in my safe haven, although it’s only midway through the year. It seems surreal remembering the ancient days in Seattle; stampeding across the fallen snowflakes, basking and breathing in the crispy warmth of pretzels and roasted goodies wafting in the frosty air, my lovely grandpa driving his minivan into a hot chocolate bar to get me one of those cuppa with a bed of marshmallows snuggling on top, soon to melt into the piping, brown sweetness. Now I’m just imprisoned by the same old, dull greyish white four walls of my room and the monotonous routine I am trapped in.

People might assume that living in an all-summer sunny island would be a dream to live in, but the truth is that the good part only lasts a moment. Everyone gets caught in this infectious mind disease at least once, referring to the illusion of the grass looking greener on the other side, but as i said – merely, looks. Still, I cannot doubt the truest fact that everywhere else seems like a paradise to this miniscule terrain. No reason is needed to be wearing funky scarves, available in funky colors of the spectrum or the classic autumn/winter coats from Burberry that brings out the sophistication in one, but rather the same old mundane sets of shorts, tees and rarely comfy jackets unless the occasion fits so.

I promised myself the plan of heading to the land of tomorrow once I get the hell outta school after graduation, with my yet-to-be-bought handy-dandy dslr strapped on my shoulder from the beginning to the end of lifetime, a survival bag-pack with life necessities and an easy-to-push luggage stuffed with clothes that would hopefully suffice till the demise of my journey.

But at this point, i’m not so sure.

The future i see right now just seems like a voidless black hole. The lifelong worries of adulthood haunts me right in my face as the age of mid-life crisis dawns closer than ever. The security of my future lies on my hands but i ain’t so sure that i’m capable of doing so. Ever since my salad days, all responsibilities were deemed unimportant and shucked aside, my soul unbound and thriving in the epoch of juvenescence. I was never made out to be a leadership material; perpetually being led by others, thinking that i will never have to carry such a burden, presuming someone will always be there to help, awaiting a life-changing miracle when nothing was done to make it happen, never expecting such dangerous itsy-bitsy thoughts would actually snowball to a horrible avalanche of backlashes in the near future.

As the chunks of work increase to a manifold following the passing of time, the prevalence of my problems ceaselessly inclines but i’ve battled way too much shitstorms to lose to them. The new shalt arise and prevail over the old. I begin to cherish every hour, minute and seconds ticking by, rather than chasing after what have been gone, the “what will be” rather than the “what could have been”. The thought of ‘why not i grasp this chance to do something new’ creeps into my mind, inch by inch but sure enough. Every insignificant effort made now might be of a blessing, lesson or nought to me; there’s no surety but only the fleeting time has the power of granting clarity. Time and effort shall make the just judgements for all, whether we will take flight to our dreams or doomed to fall.

might and pride

it’s good to feel, keeping it in the reel

Everyone’s getting down to the quest, what good it do if not the best

it’s just the wind blowing you down, it’s bound to pass after a while

so just whirl along with me, like how the summer breeze chase after bees

my momma said the world will put you down, so keep your chin up now

my tiny two feet on the ground, a million other pairs too will pound

never let them get to thee, what good will it do

if the good doesn’t fight for what’s right, the bad will burn high tonight

even in the raging storm, i will stand with might and pride

With Thy power, God shall strike when it’s time

With might and main, we shall be champions tonight.

 

- Ju Eun

 

 

 

GALAXY LOVE

eric and ariel

I’ve been singing love songs since I was nine

Not even knowing what the words meant
Didn’t even know who I was longing for
But after i met you, all of it suddenly made sense

A feeling so great, reaching across the galaxy
Reciting the miracles beyond my fantasy
The gravity ain’t got nothin on me
It’s lifting me up off the ground and I finally see,

You and I were meant to be.

There’s beauty in the norm, they didn’t preach in pretense
Beauty lies in the beholder and,
Baby, you’re indeed blinded but a happy man
I’m the lucky woman who got you hooked at the end.

A feeling so great, my heart thumping like a medley
Powerful enough to conquer any tragedy
The love story of how the two met on the milky galaxy
It’s lifting me up off the ground and I finally see,

We’re just like them
and I know we’re meant to be.

It’s a force of nature I can’t comprehend
Maybe it is just meant to be felt
And yet there’s a question longing to be answered
Just how you and me could fit together so perfectly

It’s okay if the mystery is left unravelled with no way
as long as we know our love shall stay for eternity.

By Ju Eun

Specially dedicated to my friend, my best mate, my love. Just know that you won’t have to worry about us ever again :)

Many loves and kisses!

Giving you all

Never knew love could be so satisfying
Filling in the holes of my unexplainable woes
Oh, just what are you, the one that captured me whole
The one who had blown away the blues that no one knows

The way you touch me, so incredibly immense
the peculiar tingles dominating my senses
Waiting at the back door, craving just for more
is this wish just too much to ask for?

The wait ends here where my life begins
The blossoming of the love that I dreamed
Ready to love again, giving you all that you need
Don’t run off yet, I have so much yet to give

the bitter-sweet taste of this love tickles my heart
all that we have poured into this love,
I hope it does not go into naught,
but if it’s fear that feeds my doubt
your kiss will be the spell to undo the black out

– Ju Eun

those three words

Words fail me, when I try to tell the truth
About how I truly feel about you
it’s just the butterflies, worming into my courage
This song I’m singing, is it a convincing lullaby

Whisked away by my stinging pride
Memories of regrets spots my mind
Reliving the mistakes of my past
That I will commit again, if I must

Because,

You’re everything that’s worth the pain
You’re the dream I dream every night
Although it drives me insane
It’s too late to stop now, keep the flame ablaze
I hope you catch on, before my heart takes flight

Will you be my safety net?
Though I’m not ready yet
I’m willing to take the plunge
Let’s do it together then, let’s pack a punch

You’re everything that’s worth the pain
I just pray hard you’ll feel the same
Although it drives me insane
It’s too late to stop now, keep the love ablaze
I hope you catch on, before my heart takes flight

Even till now, if you haven’t realized
All I’m trying to express, my feelings all crystallized
Were those few simple words I’ve been dying to say
those three words, “I love you,”, I’ll confess them today

 

- Ju Eun

 

Writer’s note: oh well, if you guys weren’t aware till now, my love history is just marked with tragic, one-sided love experiences which isn’t something to boast about but this is to all the other poor fellows who feel the same, just to let you know you aren’t alone in this damned fate haha. Let’s just hope it just keeps getting better and you’ll meet better people in times to come. Ciao! :)