Post-grad left me hanging with no clues but no restrictions as well.
It kinda feels like being stranded in a tiny sailor boat right smack in the middle of the vast ocean – triggers a sense of adventure, curiosity and a good pinch of anxiety. You’re free to head in any direction but the catch here is that there’s no map or clues to getting anywhere and you tinker that rusty brain of yours to conjure up an imaginary map or something as fantastical as that.
Philosophical blabs aside, here i am marking my milestone in time just after my graduation. Despite the grand affair of occasion, it still doesn’t hit me that i have officially transcended the realms of adulthood but the thrilling sense of freedom is certainly rushing to my head. At least for now, all there’s left are the agonizing wait for university responses for a little more than a month and emerging job opportunities/interviews at the horizon.
I’m trying out this new habit of constantly finding things to do and currently it is working very well for me. Although not all my plans are set in stone yet, the possibility is very promising and things are seemingly looking up on my side.
As some of you might be aware, I used to be a huge fan of the J-pop culture craze and admittedly, I still am, just not expressive as back then. As influenced by my close sister-friend, I jumped on the j-dance bandwagon along with her and never regretted the decision ever. The novelty never wears off and j-dance proved to be one of my biggest passions in life. The only issue is the concealed embarrassment I have to bear when people quiz me about that part of my life. It has come to an understanding that non-fans find this sort of interests rather intriguing and odd, and I fear for my reputation of becoming a clumsy freak. As to eradicate this phobia, I started dancing once more! I even made plans to film some of the covers with like-minded friends.
Looks like life will be much more exciting from now on.
How appropriate it is that i’m gonna talk about positivity (among other things) to bring comfort to my troubled heart and hopefully, to the readers of my almost-dormant blog.
As some of you might be aware, I am near-reaching the finale of my diploma course in Mass Communication and till then, most of the time is spent holed up at home. I have to admit, confinement period was one of my darkest phases in my life AND an unexpected hidden blessing in contrary to the grumbles and complaints I spew ceaselessly to my friends and close people.
Never did I expect myself to be exceptional at dishwashing, to find joy in doing (only) certain chores like grocery shopping, capable of running more than 5km on the thread mill for less than 40 minutes with Pilates exercise and rustling up my all-time favorite Italian recipes that are rather unpopular in my household as only Korean cuisine can be found at my dining table unless I request otherwise. In other words, I’m trying out new things and changing my lifestyle to utilize my time well, other than being swamped with university applications and adult responsibilities (ew).
But on my bad days, you’ll find me deeply submerged in my solitary pool of gloom and melancholy, loads of times to the point of missing bits of my thriving life in school. I miss the freedom of being able to just go out and join my friends for lunch after lessons without getting hounded and scrutinized by my strict Asian parents and mostly, doing productive things that counts beside university applications (which does not guarantee results anyway). Even the once dreaded part-time jobs seem very attractive to me, just to make myself useful in the world once again and earn some pocket money. Financial restrictions is the biggest crisis I’ve had to deal with as my ‘exciting’ new decade emerges. Due to certain responsibilities and obligations at home, I rarely get a chance to slip away and relax or just to chill with my friends, nor am I allowed to work part-time to rake in my own expense for the time being. Now you know the reason for my ‘confinement’ period but the occasional ‘you-are-pregnant!!’ jokes my friends make are sorta funny for a while I guess 🌚. Fair enough, my weekends are strictly dedicated to fun time and relaxation, be it with my friends, family or purely me-times, which makes this holiday totally worth the trouble.
Social media fast became my ‘best’ friend but ironically, it made me very unhappy and this is where the aphorism of ‘misery-loves-company’ fits to a T. I truly realized this to the deepest pit of my bones only after a long time of suffering unfortunately. The analogy of a leech is apt to this – it is a parasite that feeds on your self-confidence and growing doubts about many things which could endanger yourself and your relationship with people. Dealing with loneliness provoked by encountering photos/tweets/posts/blogs/etc. of my friends having good times in their new-found freedom, youngsters of my age embarking and succeeding on/in their new chapter and just witnessing people moving on with life without me could top it off as the toughest battle I fought in the two decades of my life. Soon after, the veil of jealousy, pent-up frustrations, doubts and depression came to settle in and i was just barely surviving in my own dark world. Surviving, not living.
I was basically feeding myself with negative (-) thoughts, taking away the happy vibes and letting these mental viruses kill my once-happy-go-lucky soul inch by inch. It costed me my health (emotionally and physically) and incur seemingly unrepairable sleep debts – a self-destructive lifestyle it was. When this happens, you barely find anything to be thankful for and grow to be blasé about all the blessings in your life. People used to say inexplainable joy and happiness resonates within me and they liked that part of me best but i felt sad that this cruel reality even forcibly took that away from me, as if i had any other good things left to spare. It is no coincidence that the negative sign is associated with process of elimination. If only I could choose to eliminate the bad things and negative people willingly from my life… but alas, things are not so simple.
It was not long before my sanity reached the breaking point and I decided to pit myself against these problems strategically by changing myself anew. It meant that I was to limit my social media activity which cut off my source of negativities, alter my body clock (thanks Aaron for reinforcing this rule upon me) to restore my health and determine specific goals for the next few months in order to set my life back on track again.
Once in a while, I believe everyone has to sit down, away from their fast-paced, hectic lives and reevaluate the priorities in one’s life to check one’s milestones and ensure time isn’t wasted. It takes time, a fair amount of failures and itsy-bitty but constant efforts to reorganize and establish such radical revamps in a lifestyle. I have always been a slow learner and slow to progress but determination and willpower have always been my better virtues and I know I’m getting somewhere, nearer to the finish line, slowly but surely. All it takes is just a refreshing change of perspective to muster up some courage and kickstart your plans.
✨ Chase after positivity (=/= blind ignorance) and away negativity (=/= running away from problems) ✨
Compared to the billions of talented people in this world, you may think of yourself as this insignificant minion on this earth and i face this sense of insecurity every waking minute but let me tell you, change starts from within and gradually becomes apparent around you. What you put inside will add up and multiply to a tenfold, just like positivity (+) which is absolutely and unarguably paramount in order to lead a happy and successful life, and negativity too in the form of bad thoughts which does not add up any value in your life. The little steps you take will mount up and construct into something beautiful and meaningful just like a completed lego piece. I’m already seeing the blooming fruits of my efforts in my body as a result of my rigorous exercise regimes that I kept up for months and years (not days and weeks) – a testimony of my own encouragements that I’m sharing with you now, and boy it feels goooood. I can also assure you, you may not reach the destination you initially paved for but you’ll be okay with it. Best part of this is that you can harbor new dreams to fulfill!
If only it was as simple as how i make it seem to be, huh. 😕
It’s okay to fail at things you love to do because what is success without a few hiccups here and there, right? I mean, there are countless times where I churn out sucky, simpleminded writing content, sing horribly out of pitch and neglect my exercise regime which triggers the severe bout of paranoia (e.g. people secretly mocking my singing and writing, fear of putting on weight drastically and the list goes on) but I grew to ignore the evil voices in my head and the negativity that threatens to bind me ensued by many things or in most cases, people. Believe it or not, there were times when I almost clicked the ‘delete’ button in the haste of clearing all my problems at once but I knew I couldn’t avoid this forever anyway and recovering stricter control of my social media activities would be the most prudent thing to do.
cue > Xinyi (my friend): /gasps in anxiety/ …people. 😂
Come what may, but never let it stop you! BE UNSTOPPABLE. *cues Avenger opening theme song* (is it empowering enough hahaha). Be as sexy and sassy as the black widow or the hulk , lol bad idea what was i thinking. Maybe Captain America instead, the Mr. Zero-to-Hero (though he took the shortcut to success-ish). Just go out and be somebody!!
And bless the people who complimented and helped me along this rocky journey. Bless those precious humans/animals and keep them close to you. They don’t have to be friends, pets or family. I personally get my supply of inspirations from bubz, michelle phan and especially cassey ho (blogilates). They taught me to be selfless and turn my talent into a meaningful blessing for others. It is heartening to see such people who’ve gone through as much as anyone else or more, become the bigger person and continue to give back to people out of their talents. Cassey’s long story of on her battle with self-esteem and how she achieved her dream out of that brought me so much comfort and tears, just like how she’s helping me to achieve my dream body virtually as I speak. At least I know I have many potentials to explore and this hope keeps me trudging through life! To give is indeed a blessing 💖
It may take eons to clinch that coveted idealistic life of yours but you just have to keep trying (accompanied with periodic habitual rechecks of your goals), play up to your strengths and someday, it’ll bring you to places and people that you’ve never planned or imagined to be at/with. All the sleepless nights of blood, sweat and river of tears will be made worthwhile and you shall never regret not even a drop of it.
As a wise man once told me (for real), you can spend your lifetime on a bed of 3-leaved clovers (symbolizing happiness) and still be unhappy if you continue your hunt for that single 4-leaved clover (symbolizing luck) 🍀 without stopping to appreciate the moments/people around you.
✨ Good luck ✨
And finally i hereby present the first chapter of my Europe trip last year March.
I know right, it took exactly a year for me to finally settle down and complete this first post. Shame on me. I found the golden opportunity to draft up a post on a leisure Friday night left to spend on my own after finishing my language skills tests.
Blimey, these photos trigger so much flashbacks; i could still remember the fizzy excitement working its way all over my body when we boarded the plane heading towards Heathrow (via Dubai). The last time i’ve experienced such a lengthy plane trip was years ago when i visited my grandma and grandpa in Seattle for 3 months and that was about, like 14 hours? trip altogether. Mind you, I have a severe phobia of plane flights and heights (a bad combination indeed) that induces hyperventilation and cold sweats but this trip was too special and precious to be wasted in fear at the edge of my plane seat and even my body condition behaved well that day. I was literally bouncing in my seat beside my grumpy sleep-deprived brother who was unfortunately wedged in between me and my equally exhilarated mother. Poor guy :P
My face looks terribly dried out but this photo simply does not do justice to the indescribable thrills i’ve felt that one fateful morning. And that was our plane which took us to Dubai before flying us to London. I’ve gotta say, Emirates is a truly underrated airline company. Never did I realize, we have always took their flights without any form of expectation but they managed to provide quality service every time and facilitated in the making the flight journey comfortable from beginning to the end. Haha this entry is starting to sound like a sponsored insert but it’s not, though it’s a dream job that might never come true.
The fun part is definitely the accommodation provided in the plane. I would gladly pay up for in-flight food as room services in my own house. Such a quaint lil’ meal yet it still managed to fill up my 3-stomach-worth-of tummy. The magnificent view of the sunset (lucky me) accompanied with this cozy meal and a simple movie to fill the silence, was the perfect feeling i’ve had in ages. I could totally get used to that, if only the plane rides were always that comfortable and calm.
(These photos hit me right in the feels T_T)
Welcome to London, Heathrow airport.
*classy-british-accent + heavy breathing*
I apologise for interjecting this magical moment with my face and pyjamas outfit shot but we arrived in the evening and I couldn’t get a shot of the scenery outside. Instead, my eyes feasted on the picturesque landscape of the serenely dark yet twinkly towns as the bus made its way to our ordinary one-night hotel. My mother urged us to turn in early so that we could retain some energy for the massive tour awaiting us the next day.
Such Tumblr-worthy photos, i know. hehe.
That gloomy morning surprisingly made me rather happy. There was an airy magical aura pervading the morning breeze, as if a unicorn could have popped its head out of the bushes to taste the dewy air. It was nice to wake up to such a scenery for a change. Mornings should be calm and serene as this and not bloody hot and sunny, but i guess the grass always seems greener on the other side. Civilians here probably think it truly makes them gloomy in the morning because they would have gotten over the novelty of it by then.
I confess that in the past, I scrutinized and doubted people who praised breakfast meals served in Western countries almost to the point of over-exaggeration, lamenting on how it tasted so much more different (in a good way) from the brunches in Singapore and so on. I thought, oh c’mon, they are the same eggs, sausages and bacon, how much different can it be???
Looks like I ate my own words. I still don’t have an explanation for this phenomenon but i swear i had 2 servings of this plate and this is rather surprising knowing that i am not even remotely close to being a breakfast person. Morning is just not my thing in the first place but I could wake up gladly at 7am here everyday just to catch breakfast. WHY OH WHY, how can English breakfasts taste so good. If breakfasts in London could make me gawk so hard, imagine how breathtaking the grand tour would be after that. I was almost shrilling in delight and my mom had to sit me down herself due to my unclassy behavior.
This is the view that greeted me when I decided to go for a short stroll after breakfast before we checked out for the tour. I wasn’t able to appreciate London properly the previous night because we were ushered here and there to the one-night hotel as prompted thanks to our super-organized tour guide. I could still remember crystal clear how sweet the air smelt like but it seemed so unbelievable that I couldn’t trust merely one of my bodily senses and stuck out my tongue, attempting to taste the slightest zest of the dewy air.
The other tourists nearby turned around in shock when i shrieked at the sight of the iconic red London buses. Surreal it is, when you’ve only seen them in picture books for toddlers and then 20 years later, you see a live one passing by just like that. How could i have not reacted in such a way? It would have been disgraceful.
I was persistent on giving a spontaneous reaction every time I saw something amazing and cool because #london. Although the morning stroll was short-lived, i gladly hurried back in to pack my stuff and ready myself for the GRAND TOUR. I personally call it the grand tour because well, it is the very first tour in Europe and London deserves such a grand title. lol, I know i’m overly biased towards London and though lame as it is, just take it.
Here’s a collage of photos I snapped in the bus journeying to the tour hotspots.
Pity the tour groups consisted of only Koreans, it meant that I have had to deal with the real struggle of processing such large chunk of information spoken in my home language (the irony right there). I wished they had a handy dandy translator machine around but of course, it wouldn’t make sense to them to have one lying around, innit?
From what I could process, the few fun-facts the tour guide told us were that:
1) The museums tours here are all free-of-charge. The government decided that the culture and history of UK and Europe were to be fairly shared with the young and old, ergo the generous constitution.
2) Even in such a modernized city area, pickpocketing is a common issue especially among tourists. Thus, we were instructed to carry our bags at our front so unfashionably. Because fashion does not save us from becoming a lost group of fugitives.
3) Most of the bricked, colonial estate areas (that were not destroyed in war) were untouched (maybe a little) as they were in the past, maintaining the old traditional aura. There’s a variety of houses that are either detached (a house not joined to another house), semi-detached (two houses joined together), terrace (several houses joined together) or just flats (apartments).
It was insanely cool to be standing next to the blood-red telephone booth, the most recognizable icon next to the red double-decker buses in London :’)
You can see the photos of the church of Westminster below! Pity we didn’t get to explore into the church though. It probably was best not to. The stream of crowds and queues forming at several entrances intimidated us and would have wasted a bulk of our time if we did step in. We’d be seeing plenty of churches the next few days anyway haha. I’ll let the photos do the talking for a while!
The Big Ben was extremely Big in Size. < I am so tempted to interject with the infamous #twss line but I shadn’t. This blog is to be rated PG13 anyway.
Statues of historical figures stood by in magnificence along the stoned pavements, to which I admired in silence this time, like Nelson Mandala, Gandhi, Napoleon and Winston Churchill? I couldn’t remember the rest but those were the figures that stood out the most in my memory.
I also managed to sneak a shot of some British kids hanging out on a stone bench out of curiosity. Just being a tourist I guess? But I’ve always wanted to take more shots of the civilians in different countries rather than the tourist sites alone, as long as I don’t offend anyone along the way that is.
And now this blog is dominated by photos of the marching ants-like British guards of Buckingham Palace, cladded in handsome grayish uniforms and gigantically fabulous bearskin caps. As much as I would like to upload the video (except YouTube links) of the marching ceremony here, it looks like WordPress isn’t that tech-savvy for now. The horses’ fur were of the prettiest shades of brown and they were very neatly groomed as well.
Very English indeed.
This humble Italian-cuisine restaurant was the lunch venue, and also of our first meal in London. The interior decoration loyally stuck to the traditional ambience along with the estate houses as well. Seemingly dusty (but I don’t think it is) lamplights adorning the ceiling and cobbled stone walls gave the illusion of a small dining hut but the area was in fact really spacious. It was simple, yet welcomingly cozy and comfortable, not too intimidating at all. This eatery have always had a special place in my heart ever since :’)
A rather unflattering photo of my meals but I promise you they were wonderful! Not bombastically great but I truly appreciated the taste of home-cooked nosh in London for the very first time. The appetizer soup sadly reminded me of the meals that the Jews had in the Warsaw district back in the colonization of Nazism, just like the scene of Szpilman and his family having their soupy meals in the Pianist, but the rest of the courses were quite interesting, and definitely not as gloomy as the sad bowl of soup.
You’ll notice that a piece of baguette bun is almost always served along with every meal in Europe and UK as I continue my travel posts. What my mom and the other Korean aunties did were to hog them back to their hotel rooms just in case they go hungry. This ‘kiasu’ actions to which I felt were sorta understandable due to the costly room services in hotels, which can be reasonably saved for the better things along the journey! Plus, it saves food from being wasted haha.
The old lady wrapped in her pink scarf standing next to my brother were very amused by our antics as we snapped our cameras at every direction. My brother, who paid scarce attention to the magnificent historical sites, was easily fascinated by postcards printed in saturated food form at an empty souvenir shop. Whaddya know. Presenting to you, 11-year-olds.
Pretty backdrops perfect for outfit shots which I shamelessly asked my brother as a favor. Surprisingly, that 11-year-old kid knows his way with the camera functions. I had to bribe him with the loan of my phone for brief periods of time. He had low tolerance for boredom and lengthy lectures on the history of London. Shame on him!!! but he made himself useful along the course of the journey.
Entering the next district in town! It is quite apparent that there are more working civilians roaming in this area more than in the previous district. This time, there was a green patch of garden where everyone seemed to be crowding at! But first thing first, we were led to the duty free shopping area where tour groups patronize before continuing on their enlightening tour. I quickly exited after realizing this was totally not my domain (plates, bags, accessories, skin products, but why in London) and entered a cafe right beside the shops instead.
Now, we’re talking.
These photos make really good tumblr-worthy photographs. There’s just some charming quality about the cafes and people in London I can’t explain. People are either minding their own business as they drink their coffee in peace while reading their papers/books or busily strutting in and out about running quick errands. They don’t even know how beautiful they are. Especially the sandwich guy at the counter, you are the most beautiful man i’ve seen on Earth. (;_;) Pardon my emotional interjection here, but really, how am I the only one staring my eyeballs off at such good-looking and beautiful, gentlemen and ladies passing by me??? Even the tourists didn’t mind much about these civilians. Am I that biased and influenced? haha!
Goofing at these Londoners with such loooong pair of legs. Such a rare sight in Singapore, probably too common in UK. These are the kind of gentlemen you can only find in Tumblr. As you can see, I take lots of inspiration from Tumblr. #proudandloud
Did I mention the Apple stores in London is humongous on the inside? It looked like as if I could fit 6 or even 10 living rooms in that area! As you can see, my gamer brother here did not inch away from the gadget he discovered after a mere 5 minutes of exploring. He’s gonna regret so hard when he grows up. Chances like this comes by in a blue moon, mah boy!
And then there’s this green patch of garden that I mentioned earlier! Because of the large population of working civilians, the government had placed a grass field in the heart of every districts in the hopes that there are enough conducive spaces for people to casually relax on during their lunch break and so on. This is such a splendid idea, I’m surprised not many have not thought of placing plain grass fields in their countries. It was such a nice environment to sit down for a small picnic, have a chit-chat with your colleague or just to lie down on for a few minutes’ nap. It was the ideal place for me to do my daily people-watching. I have this weird habit of staring at people around me, studying their accents and mannerisms that are different from my own races. No one seemed to mind until I started taking sneaky shots of a few. A few curious and surprised glances were thrown in my way but no one literally threw me out of the grounds thankfully!
Alright, this is where the part 1 of the first chapter of my Europe trip halts! This is about 3-school-essays worth of blog post so I hope you enjoyed journeying down the nostalgic memory lane with me. It was pleasing to flip through my Europe albums once again and reminiscing the wonderful memories I’ve kept private till now.
Hopefully, I’ll come back with the next highly-anticipated chapter of my trip within this month of April!
Till then, adios!
my mom used to say i keep my head up in the clouds, always dreaming but never acting on them much. while it is a skillful method of escapism, i do agree with her that it can be an unhealthy addiction once i get too far astray. you see, i even fall into deep sleep willingly real quick, an ability which eventually became the envy of those around me who
want to escape this dreadful life can’t fall asleep fast enough.
what gives me the true gratification from this, is when one of the dreams do unexpectedly come true, and i’m like “what the fck just happened??? is this real life??? am i alive???”. dreaming is distinctively different from expectations, i feel, that’s why it’s called dreams, something so unreal that you don’t think it’ll ever happen to you until it does, which is where the well-used phrase comes in, “…;a dream come true”. it almost shares the same meaning as the word ‘miraculous’.
to be honest, i haven’t really have had much fair share of experience in such, but only once (at least, from what i can remember right now), that once which took my breath away, and will satisfy me for a lifetime, and that miraculous moment is when a best friend of mine became more than a best friend when i least expected to, the person to love me dearly like no one ever did, show me how true love feels/looks/smells/sound like, and the most important of all, someone i can trust the most in this world dominated by untrustworthy people and keep to myself the whole of my lifetime.
haha, typing that down sure made me smile creepily to myself, but then i’ve always been an oddity. i know i’ve been exploiting my bragging rights recently these days (just that one thing/person though) and i will tone it down a lil’ but i guess sometimes i can’t help it, it makes me happy writing my feelings down into tangible words, harhar. these happy viruses does not come by very often.
that first time i held onto that person’s hand, my hand felt like it became a bunch of firework sticks igniting all at once and our fists are consumed with glowing ball of wildfire, and felt like as if people were staring at us being so amazed by this small act of love. i never thought that this could feel so good and addictive, to be honest, to touch someone else’s skin in an intimate way. especially when he trails his finger down my palms, lock his fingers between mine and twirl them in his hands, i get the shivers from the tip of my fingers to every inch of my body. i may seem to be exaggerating this, but trust me, when you do it for the first time with the one you love? even holding hands seems like you’re fully making out in public.
wait a mo, this doesn’t link back to the main topic. oh well, it’s not like i don’t digress almost every time i write a blog post haha, and i hope you don’t mind. i can never keep my thoughts in one track; it’s like forcing thousand drunkards in the head to walk in a straight line but obviously fails to do so. am i the only raw, unseasoned writer who has this problem?
i have a lot of dreams to pursue but i guess timing determines the start of everything and i have to make do with what i can do now. a person who fails to plan and prioritize never bears fruitful results and i have to wise up as the time edges on towards adulthood, but i never want to lose my childlike mindedness and the precious beliefs i’ve held onto since young.
maybe that can be my another dream; to disallow adulthood from infiltrating that innocuous and dreaming ungrown child in me.
riiight…. so my blog posts have been getting rather cryptic and mundanely succinct lately, and not to forget, super erratic. i felt compelled to type this down right now because of my mental guilt-shaming for not being loyal and attentive to my main blog.
i know one of my top prioritized resolutions was to write more this year, because i do want to be recognized as a good writer and practice makes perfect in all sense, just like how you find your colors via experience and time. fortunately, i did not let that slide easily as i’ve been posting lots of mini blog posts on the captions of my Instagram photos ( https://instagram.com/thetwilightowl/ ) as often as a photo per two days and so. the thing is, i kinda wished to have my main blog be more prominent among my other social media platforms but obviously that small part is failing a lil’. the truth is that a lot of random stuff i write are streamed from thoughts triggered by my photos i take everywhere i go. i do enjoy taking random photos of almost anything actually, and killing a bit of time doing short photo edits on #vscocam. it’s very therapeutic and because it takes up some time, my mind kinda relaxes and that’s when ‘random’ thoughts just pop up in my head. thus, explaining my reasons for the ‘mini instagram blog posts’.
ah well, life is perpetually fast-paced and how can i ever think of genuine stuff to write about, if i can’t let myself and my scatterbrained head have space to breath and think?
(but i promise to come back with a good one for sure, i do have good contents lined up for the few weeks to come! so do stay with me alright? hehe)
Just been putting on jazzy christmas tunes and riding the feels as I hole away in my safe haven, although it’s only midway through the year. It seems surreal remembering the ancient days in Seattle; stampeding across the fallen snowflakes, basking and breathing in the crispy warmth of pretzels and roasted goodies wafting in the frosty air, my lovely grandpa driving his minivan into a hot chocolate bar to get me one of those cuppa with a bed of marshmallows snuggling on top, soon to melt into the piping, brown sweetness. Now I’m just imprisoned by the same old, dull greyish white four walls of my room and the monotonous routine I am trapped in.
People might assume that living in an all-summer sunny island would be a dream to live in, but the truth is that the good part only lasts a moment. Everyone gets caught in this infectious mind disease at least once, referring to the illusion of the grass looking greener on the other side, but as i said – merely, looks. Still, I cannot doubt the truest fact that everywhere else seems like a paradise to this miniscule terrain. No reason is needed to be wearing funky scarves, available in funky colors of the spectrum or the classic autumn/winter coats from Burberry that brings out the sophistication in one, but rather the same old mundane sets of shorts, tees and rarely comfy jackets unless the occasion fits so.
I promised myself the plan of heading to the land of tomorrow once I get the hell outta school after graduation, with my yet-to-be-bought handy-dandy dslr strapped on my shoulder from the beginning to the end of lifetime, a survival bag-pack with life necessities and an easy-to-push luggage stuffed with clothes that would hopefully suffice till the demise of my journey.
But at this point, i’m not so sure.
The future i see right now just seems like a voidless black hole. The lifelong worries of adulthood haunts me right in my face as the age of mid-life crisis dawns closer than ever. The security of my future lies on my hands but i ain’t so sure that i’m capable of doing so. Ever since my salad days, all responsibilities were deemed unimportant and shucked aside, my soul unbound and thriving in the epoch of juvenescence. I was never made out to be a leadership material; perpetually being led by others, thinking that i will never have to carry such a burden, presuming someone will always be there to help, awaiting a life-changing miracle when nothing was done to make it happen, never expecting such dangerous itsy-bitsy thoughts would actually snowball to a horrible avalanche of backlashes in the near future.
As the chunks of work increase to a manifold following the passing of time, the prevalence of my problems ceaselessly inclines but i’ve battled way too much shitstorms to lose to them. The new shalt arise and prevail over the old. I begin to cherish every hour, minute and seconds ticking by, rather than chasing after what have been gone, the “what will be” rather than the “what could have been”. The thought of ‘why not i grasp this chance to do something new’ creeps into my mind, inch by inch but sure enough. Every insignificant effort made now might be of a blessing, lesson or nought to me; there’s no surety but only the fleeting time has the power of granting clarity. Time and effort shall make the just judgements for all, whether we will take flight to our dreams or doomed to fall.