my mom used to say i keep my head up in the clouds, always dreaming but never acting on them much. while it is a skillful method of escapism, i do agree with her that it can be an unhealthy addiction once i get too far astray. you see, i even fall into deep sleep willingly real quick, an ability which eventually became the envy of those around me who
want to escape this dreadful life can’t fall asleep fast enough.
what gives me the true gratification from this, is when one of the dreams do unexpectedly come true, and i’m like “what the fck just happened??? is this real life??? am i alive???”. dreaming is distinctively different from expectations, i feel, that’s why it’s called dreams, something so unreal that you don’t think it’ll ever happen to you until it does, which is where the well-used phrase comes in, “…;a dream come true”. it almost shares the same meaning as the word ‘miraculous’.
to be honest, i haven’t really have had much fair share of experience in such, but only once (at least, from what i can remember right now), that once which took my breath away, and will satisfy me for a lifetime, and that miraculous moment is when a best friend of mine became more than a best friend when i least expected to, the person to love me dearly like no one ever did, show me how true love feels/looks/smells/sound like, and the most important of all, someone i can trust the most in this world dominated by untrustworthy people and keep to myself the whole of my lifetime.
haha, typing that down sure made me smile creepily to myself, but then i’ve always been an oddity. i know i’ve been exploiting my bragging rights recently these days (just that one thing/person though) and i will tone it down a lil’ but i guess sometimes i can’t help it, it makes me happy writing my feelings down into tangible words, harhar. these happy viruses does not come by very often.
that first time i held onto that person’s hand, my hand felt like it became a bunch of firework sticks igniting all at once and our fists are consumed with glowing ball of wildfire, and felt like as if people were staring at us being so amazed by this small act of love. i never thought that this could feel so good and addictive, to be honest, to touch someone else’s skin in an intimate way. especially when he trails his finger down my palms, lock his fingers between mine and twirl them in his hands, i get the shivers from the tip of my fingers to every inch of my body. i may seem to be exaggerating this, but trust me, when you do it for the first time with the one you love? even holding hands seems like you’re fully making out in public.
wait a mo, this doesn’t link back to the main topic. oh well, it’s not like i don’t digress almost every time i write a blog post haha, and i hope you don’t mind. i can never keep my thoughts in one track; it’s like forcing thousand drunkards in the head to walk in a straight line but obviously fails to do so. am i the only raw, unseasoned writer who has this problem?
i have a lot of dreams to pursue but i guess timing determines the start of everything and i have to make do with what i can do now. a person who fails to plan and prioritize never bears fruitful results and i have to wise up as the time edges on towards adulthood, but i never want to lose my childlike mindedness and the precious beliefs i’ve held onto since young.
maybe that can be my another dream; to disallow adulthood from infiltrating that innocuous and dreaming ungrown child in me.